The Problems With Alien Invasions

Do you want to know what the problem is with most alien invasions? They want something from us. It’s not like they’re Santa Claus, here to deliver wisdom and technology from the stars out of the goodness of their hearts… Nope. They’re here because we have something they want.

I mean, I get it. Every single alien invasion story I’ve ever read or seen was written by a human. Well, at least so far as I know. So it’s no wonder that we’re self-centered enough to think that we are the center of the universe. We have it good here. Water. Air. Food. Life. Resources that other alien races would want, right?

Let’s go through a few of the issues I see with any good alien invasion story these days…

  1. We’re poisoning our air and water on a daily basis. Think of all the cleanup that some of these aliens would have to do before they could actually use our materials. We’re a reclamation project of the highest order.
  2. We consume every ounce of the resources we find on our planet already. We mine the crap out of our world. We don’t recycle much. And generally we’re on target with leaving a mess for future generations of humans, let alone aliens wanting to come take what we have.
  3. We’re not the most inviting folks to be around, so taking us as slaves to far off alien worlds is probably out of the question unless they have really good soundproofing and nose plugs.

And then, let’s look at the scientific evidence for worlds that could support life beyond our little blue ball of annoyance.

We’re really only looking at planets up to 50 light years from our solar system, so this is a drop in the bucket, but apparently we know of at least a dozen worlds out of the dozens of exoplanets we’ve found so far. So we’re not the only planet around that has good stuff to plunder.

But if we look past the fact that we’re messing up our own world and there are plenty of other “fish in the sea,” let’s look at some of the usual reasons that aliens seem to like our world.

  • Resources
    • Water seems to be quite popular, so if they can clean up our oceans I bet it would work as a non-drinkable possibility.
    • Minerals such as iron, aluminum, manganese, and others, are quite prevalent in our crust.
    • Oxygen. We have a lot of that!
    • Life. A race of hungry aliens might find Earth to be quite the all-they-can-eat-buffet!
  • Occupation or Slavery
    • Aliens probably don’t want to do the work themselves, so they’d enslave the human race to do it for them. Why not use the native population?
  • Land Grab
    • Kill all the human population so they can move in.
    • Land long enough to start terraforming and kill us all in the process.

I’m sure there are others, but most seem to be variations on these. You’d think the aliens would find better reasons to come take us on!

But if there’s one good thing about humans. We’re plentiful and we seem to be doing a bang up job of destroying our planet. Isn’t it about time we did the same to some of the other planets and moons in our solar system?

Are we really worth invading?

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2 thoughts on “The Problems With Alien Invasions”

  1. As great a story as the alien invasion is, in many way, like you said, it isn’t practical. Even some of the reasons listed for invading don’t hold up. Like water, for instance, is widely available as ice, and in great numbers in asteroids and moons. Same with many of the minerals and volatiles that aliens would be wanting. It’s also unknown if aliens could even digest us, depending on their biology.

    So that leave land grab, which can make sense if they want something already settled with infrastructure and workforce (i.e. human slaves) already set up for them. Also, while many of the planets in our stellar neighborhood might be habitable, there is no telling how advanced the biosphere is. It could be simple single cell organisms everywhere. Or the biosphere may simply not be conducive to their biology, but ours is. There is also something for ideological reasons. Perhaps they wish to vassalize us as a part of their philosophy, or cleanse all life other than their own for the same reason,

    Still, gotta love a classic alien invasion story. Looking forward to checking out Aliens and Asteroids when it comes out!

    1. MoebiusAdventures

      @Ed – Those are some great concepts to ponder as well. You’ll see more about A&A this week as we start to lay some of the ground work for the setting. 🙂 Thanks for chiming in!!

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